At What Price?

It seems as though every time I turn on my T.V I am smacked in the face with half naked females shaking their butts in a camera for some hip hop artists music video. After a quick look of disgust I wonder if their parents are proud of what they are doing with their lives. I wonder if their parents even know that the booty they are looking at is their youngest daughters, who was thought to have more sense than to run around with a g-string on for a couple of dollars. I never really understood why so many girls want to be video girls and why they seem to degrade themselves to everyone staring at them each time the video airs. So I propose the question, "At what price will you push you self respect and dignity aside in order to move up in an industry that could potentially be the 'chance of a lifetime'?" I have tried many times to see how these girls are looking at the world, from their perspective, but I cannot ever come to the conclusion that what they are doing is at all the "chance of a lifetime" or the ideal dream job. I know many girls who love to dance and want to be in these videos to show off their footwork, not their butt cheeks. If I was a dancer, and I went to a video audition to dance, and they determined whether I would be in the video by my bra size, I would leave right then and there. I do not believe that there is any amount of money someone could pay me to take my clothes off for a simple music video. That one music video could potentially boost my career, or it could do absolutely nothing. Then I just took my clothes off in front of hundreds of men for nothing but a "good job". It's not worth it in the least.
Self respect is very important to me and seeing all these young beautiful women running around in nothing but lingerie thinking they are going to be famous after this video and snag them a NFL player, is saddening. Do you ever wonder what happened to all those girls in the infamous "Tip Drill" video? How many other videos have you seen them in? I may have seen one or two of the girls from that video in another one, but the rest... well, they just got a credit card swiped down their ass for basically nothing.
Now, I have seem numerous videos on MTV and BET that show fully clothed girls all throughout, and I enjoy the video just as much. Degrading yourself and lowering whatever standards you have for yourself for a few dollars is something that is not worth it in the long run. Sure you were paid $5,000 to slap your butt cheeks together for Diddy, but what do you have to show for it? That money will be gone soon, but the video will not. That video only has to air once for someone to record it and share it with everyone, including your family. And when they see it and ask why you would do such a thing, what are you going to say? That you got paid $5,000 to take off your clothes? You better come up with a better answer than that.

Juicy Juice && Ying

The moment I left Dallas, Texas I realized I was leaving all that I was comfortable with behind. I knew not one person in the Atlanta area, and all my bestfriends were spread all over the U.S without me. I was sure that I would make some friends, but never like this. So here go my niggas. Jamahl aka Juicy Juice and Bianca aka Ying aka THE BADDEST!
I met Bianca during the first weeks of school and we just clicked like we was meant to be ying & yang. She is just as crazy as I am, does just as much crazy and wild stuff as me, and knows hows to have a good time no matter what were doing. Hanging out wit her is always something unpredictable, and we always have pictures to prove it. I love this girl like my sister, like my TWIN! I know we're going to be friends for a while, and I'm definitely looking forward to tearing up Atlanta with her next semester. Shes my Boston chick with a SERIOUS Boston attitude. Como se dice, "MY BITCH FOR LIFE"?

yea girl.

Now on to my nigga Juice! After just a few days at Clark, I quickly noticed that all these guys on campus was hella thirsty and they really did not care who they talked to as long as they got as many females as possible under their belt. As quick as I spotted their game, I dropped them even quicker. It was really hard to find some real ass dudes that I could just kick it with on a regular basis and not have to worry about anything suspect going down. Then I met Jamahl. This boy is one of the coolest niggas I have ever met from South Carolina. Along with a few other dudes I consider my friends, Juicy Juice is THE BADDEST and I love him to death. He knows how to just chill and be chill. And thats the kind of guy friends I need. Someone who is not hitting me up to get something started, but a guy who is just seeing what I'm doing and wondering if I want to just kick it with no strings attached. This is MY NIGGA.

I'm happy I can go home and show people back home my friends from school. Not people i just know from campus, but my friends that I kick it with on a regular, the ones important enough to actually CLAIM as my nigga.

oh yea... SHOUT OUT TO BMB too.. they doin it.

End of the Year blues && Revelations.

As this semester comes to a close, I realize that I have almost successfully finished my freshman year of college at Clark Atlanta University. And then a question comes to mind. What has Clark done this year to make me a better person?
A year ago, I was a senior at Rockwall High School in Rockwall, TX. I had just recieved my acceptance letter to Clark, and was super hyped to come out here to start the new chapter in my life. At that point in my life, I had just turned 18 and was still such a naive young woman. I had always lived in a fairly nice neighborhood, around a lot of Caucasian people. I was not a sheltered suburban girl, but I had definitely not experienced anything different than upper middle class living. Coming to Clark, or Atlanta in general, I was aware that it would be a drastic change from what I was used to, but I was willing to embrace it to the fullest. Getting used to living on my own away from home and having to do everything for myself was hard at first, but it made me grow a lot and helped me come to the conclusion that no one is going to walk you through college. No one is going to be right by your side telling you what you can or cannot do everyday. The choice is always up to you. Whether I ultimately chose to go out and party over going to class was completely my choice, but in the back of my mind there was always the reality that by doing this I am just wasting my time and my mother's money. Therefore, it was back to business as usual. However, I regret no decision I have made. I simply make a choice, and live with the consequences. If i seemed to make a wrong choice, then it is just a learning experience that i have grown from and now know what to do if I am ever in the same situation again. On my grind, I did my best to keep my grades at or above the standards I was used to, and I can say I am proud of what I have done in the past year. Being away from home as truly only helped me as a person, and if given another choice to go to a school in Texas, I would still choose Clark over any institution closer to home.
The people I have met and be-friended this school year have become so special to me. They have showed me that I can always be myself and there is no reason to act like someone you are not. Being yourself is the most important thing because acting fake all the time will eventually make you lose yourself altogether and then no one will truly know the "real" you. Embracing your personality, body, and mind is all apart of discovering yourself to have a better understanding of who you are as a person. Being exposed to so many different types of people and their backgrounds have made me see myself for who I am and helped me to love myself as I am. I can confidently say, there is nothing that I would change about myself at this point in my life.
Now, I am simply awaiting the person who will love me for how I am. The person that God wants me to be with. The one that will respect me as well as my wishes for my future. The one who will support me with whatever I decide to do with my life, and think the exact same of me if I was the garbage lady or owner of a magazine. The one who will sweep me off my feet like in fairy tales and claim that part of my heart. So I wait. Patiently for "the one".

Wannabe Barbie?

I don't think I have ever heard so many girls state that they were the "modern barbie" so much until I came to college. It seems that if you are Barbie, that means you are flawless and perfect? I don't think so. I'm not sure why anyone would want to be Barbie. What happened to wanting to be your own person and make a name for yourself? Barbie has already made the name for herself as a perfect, skinny, successful, and beautiful person since the 1950's or before. Barbie has the perfect weight, height and appearance. She can do virtually anything and attract anyone. Shes a doctor, chemist, flight attendant, and teaacher all in the same day. But still has time to take care of her little sister, maintain her Barbie dreamhouse, go shopping with her friends in her Barbie convertible, and have a boyfriend named Ken. Anyone who states that they are or want to be just like Barbie are simply jocking her style and perfection. I don't think I have enough stamina or time to accompish all that Barbie does in her everyday life, and I'm not sure I know anyone that can either. In all reality, Barbie is fake. She is simply a doll that someone invented years ago so that little girls could be quiet and play while their mother did housework. And now, all of the sudden, everyone wants to be just like her? This makes no sense. Barbie is not real. And anyone saying that they strive to be like Barbie, or even are the "modern day" Barbie, are fake as well. many girls have gone to the extreme to even getting Barbie tattooed on them. I really want them to realize that there is no 80 year old Barbie invented. You do not see grandma Barbie driving around in her motor scooter. And I'm not sure that when you are 80 years old that you will still want to be called Barbie. So just remember that when you are all wrinkled up and old in the nursing home taking your sponge bath, when the attendant turns you over and sees that squished up wrinkly tattoo, if they can even make out the word Barbie anymore, they'll most likely laugh at you under their breathe for making such a stupid decision to try and be like a doll that is NOT REAL.Tattoos are permanent. Put some more thought into something that will be stuck on your skin forever.

I want to challenge girls everywhere to truely be themselves and not try and take attributes from various people to make up a foriegn identity for yourself. I love myself and would not change any part of my body for the world. my name is Jessica and I like to be called Jessica. I do not change for anyone because then that would make me fake as well. I would like to be respected as a writer and not as a Barbie look-a-like. Every girl should be happy with themself and embrace their beauty to the fullest. I would rather see a girl running around talking about how perfect she is as a young black female, than as the "Black Barbie".

Please do me a favor and throw out any Barbies you still own. Burn them. Or give them away. Barbie is for little kids, not young adults. Let your little sisters and nieces pretend they are Barbie, because one day they will grow out of it, kind of like how you should have.

Lupe the Genius

In my innocent desire to actually listen to the radio for once instead of just Cd's, i scan the radio stations hoping to catch a new hot single from an up and coming artist. However, every channel I switch to is only filled with rappers and singers talking about their cars, money, or hoes. I wonder if this ever gets annoying to anyone but me? I suppose not if the highest rated radio station in Atlanta (V103) is solely playing this kind of music 24/7. So much for that innocent desire. I have never understood why we, as young black people, have always conformed, accepted and praised these artists who have no problem speaking down on us in their songs, and then make their way to the bank to cash the fat checks we contribute to. Many say (including myself at one point) that it's not the words we listen to, but the beat. Then we have to realize that as we are still moving to the beat in the club, others around are watching us dance to a song entitled "Drop that d*ck off in that hoe", where there are numerous obscene lyrics that appall myself such as, "F*ck that b*tch like you mad at her, she a nasty hoe". I'm not sure what could have possessed this artist to actually make a song about something as inappropriate as that, but I bet his record sales are sky rocketing by the sales of the young black women he is exactly talking about in that song.
Having said this, I would like to introduce to anyone who does not know or have not heard of, Lupe Fiasco. This young black man is a lyrical genius in a sense that he is one of the few that I would put in the category of a "True Hip-Hop Artist". His lyrics speak of so much more than just material things, but he seems to have a purpose in his songs, someone he is specifically trying to reach out to. He puts thought into his words, not just making sure they rhyme. In his new single "Dumb it Down" he not once brags about how many cars or money he has. He doesn't even talk about the club and girls shaking their bums all over the place. He talks about not conforming to what many think the ideal rapper should look or sound like. And in the hook he has someone telling him to "dumb it down" for the kids. To add some bling and money to his songs. To put in a couple lines about "making it rain" in the club and pouring champagne on some b*tches. Not to shed any light among the youth, but to keep them in the dark to what really matters. But Lupe bluntly replies, " Bishop G, they told me I should come down cousin, but I flatly refuse I ain't dumb down nothing". Genius.

Just by that one verse alone, it makes me respect Lupe so much more because he is not letting any other hip-hop artist out there today influence him and his music in any way. He needs to be the artist that our youth are looking up to these days, not 50 cent or Plies. There is more in life to strive for than just a nice car and jewelry. Rappers out now are simply filling kids heads with false dreams. Not everyone can be rich and famous and have 12 cars and 3 mansions. But these kids are thinking that is what they need to have in life in order to be considered successful. So they do whatever they need to in order to show people that they are "ballin", even if it means doing illegal activities. "You're only as powerful as your possessions". Don't strive to be rich. Strive to be comfortably wealthy and happy in life. All this bling and nice cars, doesn't impress every girl. It impresses and attracts the gold digging girls. The girls that don't care what you look like if you have a Charger or Lexus. The girls that are only putting up with you LAME self to get the benefits. They want your money, not your love.

I know this blog seemed to turn into a whole different subject, but I'm really tired of seeing my peers and friends walking around with this mindset that is just not as "perfect" as they put on. I want them to realize that material things aren't going to always make you happy. Someday, you'll have everything you've every wanted, nice cars, clothes, jewelry, and a chick. But, you'll still feel as empty as if you had nothing at all. Maybe then you'll see what I mean.