Im thinking...

This is an old post from my myspace I published over christmas break. I was reading a lot of my old blogs from my myspace and xanga, and kind of like some of the old things I wrote, even to this day. They all make sense and explain me perfectly at that particular point in my life, so I will share them with you willingly. Always another excuse to help others understand me better as a person, friend, girlfriend, child of God, etc. Hope you like.

Jan. 2008

As I am packing once again to leave for my second semester at Clark Atlanta University in Atlanta, Ga, I came across some very interesting notes from highschool. These weren't just any ordinary notes to me, these were notes from what I like to call "my biggest highschool crush" ::sigh:: His name, I will not reveal. He only went to my school for a year, but he was the cutest boy I have ever seen. He kept me interested, but also got me in ALOT of trouble with a couple people in that one short year. We didn't start talking until the end of that year, and he started writing me notes. yessir, LOVE notes. As I read them, they were so cute. Even though there were quite a few not so "holy" words, they were still the nicest and more sweetest notes I've ever read. Considering, they might be the only "love" notes I have ever recieved from a boy, ever. lol

Okay, now with background information complete, onto my initial reason for writing this blog. As I am reading these notes, I ask myself, "what if this would've gone further", "what if he was my boyfriend, instead of whoever was in my life at the moment", "what if he would'nt have moved away across the country, for my never to see again". "what if". I'm asking myself this questions a lot lately. It seems in the past 24 hours I have lost a bestfriend, and a former boyfriend. As a significant person who matters in my life right now, they are NOT.

Bestfriend: known since the 5th grade. What if i would've neer met her in the 5th grade? I probably would'nt have got into half the trouble i did in highschool, but as much as it was her idea, it was mine. So of course, no regrets. I just wonder, what if i would've met some other girl that day at school? Someone completely different from her? How would my life be the same? I wonder.

Boyfriend: Together for a whopping 2 1/2 years of my life. Sophomore year to Freshman year in college. Crazy, eh? What if I had made that boy who was writing me notes my boyfriend, instead of this other fellow? How would this other boy have influenced me or supported me or cared for me or loved me differently than the other? Would our relationship have been any better? Would it have lasted as long, or not exceeded the summer break? I wonder.

With all these "what if's" going through my mind, I realize that without these people in my life, the former two most important people who were by my side for so long, I would'nt be who I am right now. Because of them and their influences and such, I wouldn't have made the same decisions (good and bad) without them right there making them with me.

So I'm done thinking, "what if" in the past. I'm ready to think a "what if" for the future! "what if i do this?" Will it help me in the long run? Will I truely prospure? Or will I regret it later?
* Trick question : ) I regret NOTHING remember?*

All I have to say it that...
I'm ready! (i think.) lol