It's a phobia

It's a problem. I have a phobia of being broke. I'm not sure when this happened, but it's real. I need money, I want money, I make money, I get money. But, when I think about a day when I won't have that money, I like hyperventilate or something. No lies. I've been gettin my paper since I was 15, not having to rely on anyone to buy the things I wanted, because I had the money to splurge when I wanted. I guess you can say I have been well off in life, but by my doings really. The moms will pay for this and that, but I can say that 98 % of the things I possess, were purchased by myself.

And then I went to college, and left my job, and car back home in Texas. So I had to rely on my ma to give me money every week, and she tried to put me on this thing called a "budget". Let's just say it did NOT go well. I have always had my money to spend as I please, and I was continuously working so I was never out of money, so there was no need to budget, right? Anyways basically, I do not like having to get money from my mother, at all. I'll take it from my dad, only because he needs to make up for not being in my life for the past 5 years. But I'm jus terrified of one day waking up and having NO money in the bank, no money in my purse, and no money coming in anytime soon. I'd prolly break down and crawl in a corner. Like, really. I get stressed out over big money issues with my family so easy, and with all this financial stuff with Clark, I caught myself crying a few times because it seemed that they were asking for more money than we had in order for me to get back into school.

I dunno. Maybe it's just me, or maybe it's a lot of people. I think all this comes from all the music I listen to, with every other lyric being something to do with gettin money or something. Pretty much every wayne song has something to do with moneyyyy and chicks. So it makes me have the mindset that I need to have money, for myself, not for others approval, but I can't, won't, and don't wanna see myself broke. EVER.

Im gonna keep makin my money.
and I will neva
I will neva
I will neva FALL.